Being a Mom That Puts Herself First

Crazy, right? Okay, I'm being a bit dramatic because I am responsible for another human being's safety and well-being - so most of the time, my 17-month-old comes first. I name my blog posts in a way that would make sense if, "Roxy Tries" was in front of it so the title of this actually reads, "Roxy Tries Being a Mom That Puts Herself First" meaning I'm trying to remain genuine to my own wants and needs in life, as well as being a mom. In the early infant stages of being a new mom, life became a guessing game. I broke down a few times while trying to leave the house because I would finally have the baby all feed, with a clean diaper on, all the essentials packed, and then I'd go to put on my shoes, and realize I personally was nowhere ready to leave the house. I'd still need to pump, I'd have on the same spit-up clothes I've been wearing for the past three days, and I'd be in desperate need of a shower, like five days prior would have been great. This to me perfectly sums up the first year of being a new mom; trying to find that balance is really hard and I definitely struggled. I'd like to think I'm finally finding that balance between motherhood and maintaining my own identity.

The day we brought Vela home, Matt and I talked about how weird it felt that we were actually allowed to just leave the hospital with her. No instruction manual? All we had was a poop guide that we taped to our living room wall for reference. It's crazy how easily the switch into parenthood happens, at least for me - and by, "easily" I mean how aware you become that you are no longer the most important person in your own life at that time. It's like you're fueled by adrenaline, fear, exhaustion, excitement, and coffee all at once. I did suffer from postpartum depression (which I hope to talk about on this blog one day, but it's still a hard place for me to go back to at this time) so the line becomes blurred to what's normal and what's not, but I do believe going through some sort of adjustment period is completely normal. Just like any major life change in your life, in the beginning, you may spend more time on that change until you're comfortable. Motherhood is like that x100. As the months past and I became more comfortable in my new role of being a mom, I became painstakingly aware that my own needs were being neglected. Self-care went completely out the window, along with finding any alone time or engaging in my own interests. I always felt like someone else needed my attention more. Mom guilt is a real thing, and I was swimming deep in it.

Like most things in my life, for me to make a change, I have to break and break at the seams I did! Last year during baseball season, I adjusted my schedule to accommodate Matt's - meaning most of my days off were spent alone with Vela while Matt worked. I remember one night-to-day game turnover (two games in 24hrs) I got home that evening and when the babysitter left, I dreaded the hours I had left until bedtime. I missed my daughter terribly, but I was exhausted and I hated myself for not wanting to spend time with her. What I should have done, is asked our babysitter if they could stay another hour so I could take a nap, or grab a drink after work to unwind. This baseball season, Matt and I are able to work a more similar schedule. We'll be spending more money on babysitting this year, but it'll be worth it for both of our sanities. I've realized changes like these need to happen, not only for myself but for my daughter. It'll benefit Vela to have a mom that's happy and engaging, then a mom that is simply there.

During my first year of being a mom, I got my hair cut and dyed once, and if you know me at all that's crazy. I'm known for my always changing locks, my makeup skills, and my glowing skin. Self-care is important on so many levels, and it's also my favorite hobby. BB cream, mascara, and makeup wipes became my go to, and mom buns were always in full effect. My skin, hair, and nails became dull, and I easily looks 10 years older. I wanted to take pride in the way I looked, and I knew the only way I'd make the time, is to physically go to an appointment. I saw my stylist for my hair, I got a mani-pedi, eyebrows waxed, and I even sat in the chair at Sephora and got my makeup done. These were all spread out over a month, but every appointment made me feel more like myself, and put that pep back in my step. I started implementing my own changes at home, like adding a facemask every Sunday, trying out new makeup techniques during nap time, organizing my office, heck, I would take a shower! I took pride in my appearance again and made it a priority in my life. Self-care isn't only skin deep, it's also about things that may not be super fun, like realizing you can't be everything to everyone anymore or setting meetings with yourself to reflect on your goals in life. Taking care of yourself involves some self-reflection, and sometimes the changes you need to make in life aren't all that fun but will be worth it in the long run.

Blogging has become a monumental part of my life because it's my little world. I can write about, research, make anything I want for my blog, and my only rule is does this make me happy? I don't want to start blogging for the sake of blogging, it's a lot of work, but it's fun work for me. Finding the time to blog has been challenging, but I'm learning to block out times during the day to work on my blog or engage in social media. I'm trying not to spend every evening after Vela goes to bed working on my blog, because I would like to have those evenings to unwind from my day, and prepare for the next. Getting over the hurdle of feeling guilty and selfish has been the hardest part, but I'm learning it's okay to be selfish! It's hard to admit this, but as Vela gets older she'll need me less, and I'm sure all too soon she'll grow up and be out in the real world. I love being a mom, and it's a huge part of my life, but it's not my only identity. Putting myself first is important not only for my own well being but for Vela's. Seeing her mom doing her best to take charge of her own life it a great representation of what it means to be self-reliant. This is such a huge leap out of my comfort zone, but the more I step out of my bubble, the more I feel I'm finding myself.

I hope you've been able to gain some reflection on what I mean about being a mom that puts herself first. I'd love to hear about the things you implement in your own life to hone in on yourself. Let me know in the comments below!